New Book Releases
By Shaundale Rénā
A Proper Goodbye:
A Review of My Bully, My Aunt & Her Final Gift, by Harold Phifer
My Bully, My Aunt, & Her Final Gift opens with author Harold Phifer sharing childhood experiences and memories. Phifer is in Afghanistan the morning gospel music unexpectedly blares from his digital device and his hometown pastor calls moments later. It’s as if, somehow, his dearly departed Aunt Kathy literally cued the music on her way to glory. What she leaves behind is a renewed sense of relationship amongst Hal and his brothers, something Aunt Kathy spent the greater part of her life undermining and undoing as she pits brother against brother for her own selfish reasons.
Initially, I was interested in this story because I had lost my own aunt—my mother’s sister. I somehow felt it was ironic that this book would land in my lap at such a time and looked forward to gleaning whatever lessons life threw at me. I mean, if we are to be socially responsible, then I trusted the author with leading me through my grief and anticipated my exodus to the other side. However, that is not the hand I was to play with.
My Bully, My Aunt & Her Final Gift is dubiously cringeworthy. Aunt Kathy, described as being “equal to grabbing a turd by the clean end,” which we know is impossible, needed to be eulogized and Phifer wanted no parts of it. Once he cautiously agreed to be involved, hence the pastor’s phone call, Harold (aka Hal) made the necessary travel arrangements that landed him at Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport and into the car of his long-term companion, who makes the drive with him from Texas to Mississippi on Aunt Kathy’s behalf.
If you can overlook the spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors, as well as a few lengthy paragraphs and the overuse of misplaced exclamation marks (I’m sure nobody is excited about an aunt dying! [See what I did there?]), then you’re in for a good mixture of “Oh my,” and “What the world!” As is the case when I read in the chapter entitled Coming Together Over Satan (page 19): “After 96 grueling years… Her quest of destroying lives, tormenting families, and bemoaning Christians had come to an end. Satan needed her most.” I knew well before then that this book was not socially responsible because it wasn’t even social-conscious.
Yes, I clutched several pearls. I also let out quite a few chuckles, as I wondered why is this book necessary? I wasn’t sure whether Phifer was seeking to honor or disgrace Aunt Kathy? Was he trying to help others understand parts of her personality or simply seeking to expose her? By the end, it didn’t matter. Some of the information wasn’t necessary, and the rest was just a bit too much.
While there is much to say about the lies the pastor told at the funeral to cover up how Aunt Kathy truly lived, I will say the author dropped a few nuggets. My favorite is “lions don’t care for the opinion of sheep (page 23).” I’m guessing that is an ode to Aunt Kathy, who spared no one except Pastor Keith—and Jerry, Phifer’s older brother. According to her, Sister Alice “smelled like a pig,” Deacon Hunter was “a huge son-of a-dog,” and Usher Skip “should return to the streets.”
Reading Aunt Kathy’s “last words” felt as uncomfortable as sitting in the cold wrapped in a wet blanket. That’s what My Bully, My Aunt & Her Final Gift put me in the mindset of, to some degree. What do we share and not share when people are gone? My old pastor used to say, “Ask yourself three things before you open your mouth to speak of someone…” 1) Is it true? 2) Is it kind? 3) Is it necessary?
That, to me, is social responsibility!
While I can see where the author was trying to go with the lessons and the final gift of a rekindled bromance with his siblings after Aunt Kathy destroyed most of their formative years with divisiveness, somewhere it got lost in the chaos who she was. For this reason, I cannot say I liked this book or enjoyed reading it. It was like eating a bag of M&Ms… What’s gonna come out this time?! I will say that when it was good, it was good. And when it wasn’t, it wasn’t. When it was funny, it was funny. When it was too much, it was too much. It seemed to be too much for me most of the time, only because I thought My Bully, My Aunt & Her Final Gift was a tribute to a beloved aunt, something I badly needed to read to lighten my own load of loss.
Not so! It is anything but! So, you’ll have to read it yourself to determine where you stand.
Harold Phifer suffered at the hands of his aunt. On the flipside, he more than made up for it with his own shenanigans—like, sneaking out of the house to go see Santa, gambling to win a new bicycle that she made him return (I think that’s the real reason for this book), and stealing the show when she tried to give his church play lines to Jerry.
For every cussing and whoopin’ he received Hal proudly stood his ground. Aunt Kathy never broke his spirit and in the end he has the final say, as he shares stories of her breaking through pulpit security, hijacking the church choir competition, and throwing her money around Zion Gate Union Baptist in the name of Jesus.
While Harold Phifer’s writing style did not particularly suit my taste My Bully, My Aunt & Her Final Gift had moments when I was engaged and moments when I tuned out. I celebrated Little Hal as much as I grieved Aunt Kathy.
But not because of the life she lived …
Because of the lives she thwarted.
